We've been invited to an Alter-Ego party, which of course has sent me to day-dreamville, where I usually like to start with a little logomachy.
Alternate: occurring or succeeding by turns.
Ego: the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.
Alright, we're looking for my different self here; not to be confused an alternate can of worms: my opposite self.
My instinct is to attend the party personifying a rock star. I've long held the belief that if I could sing, "I wouldn't be here right now." Which is meant to say, I'd be touring or getting a tattoo or having a ton of casual but really intense sex.
After some examination, I decide that fantasy is just an angsty rebellion against reality. More of an alternate lifestyle than ego. I'd be navigating that world with my current ego intact.
So what's my other self doing when my self is running the show?
This is the voice that I've been trying to snuff out my entire adult life. It's jaded, cynical and usually judging you. You? You mean me? Yes, you, the you that is her alt-ego who rarely shares the light of day with her.
Most people are about 20 when the development stage of life ends, and it's about then when the battle for center stage between my alternating egos ceases. This is when Yum finally prevails over Yuk for dominate ego. But Yuk doesn't go away. The attached bell-curve (click to enlarge image) best demonstrates the relationship between the egos over the last eight years. The curve trends upwards measuring rejection and loathing of the alternate ego until age 26. This is when I come to terms with Yuk (convenient change in perception since this is also when I accept her permanence), and the curve bends, if not towards self-love than at least towards acceptance. Alt-ego says, "whatever hippie."
Ahhh, now I've got my alter-ego in the cross hairs:
Yuk ignore most grammar rules. i reject conformity in general. i only eat and wear things that others have thrown away. it tastes and looks better to me if an entitled or wasteful person has cast it aside. i don't own a cellphone and despise being subjected to half-conversations when i ride public transportation. i mostly travel by bicycle. i roll my own cigarettes with organic tobacco and i don't think that is ironic. the only modern medium i have an affinity for is blogging. and no, i don't see the irony. My blog: "everything sucks and here is why," is read by only a handful of family members who are worried about me. not that i'd admit that.
My alternate ego is a cynical, hypocritical, freegan, Luddite, blogger!
And now, finally, I know just what to wear to the party!
